Saturday, January 31, 2009

this is the best converstion we've ever had

jessica: i haven't met him yet
if i had to guess, yes
what if he's dumb?
3:06 AM and i have to carry on conversation with him most of the evening?
shakes head
i'm gonna cry if i keep thinkin on it
me: rubs your back
jessica: and that just makes me sad.
and i don't know why!
3:07 AM me: its because you really cared about him
jessica: i did i do i do
but maybe .... i need to let that go
3:08 AM me: you know
i am scared about the same thing dating a boy
pats your arm
tests it for detachablility
jessica: it's hard huh
tugs on yours too
3:09 AM me: yes....*stares at your arm with a thinking face* it is hard to detach
jessica: like....if you fall in love with someone else
is glad that it is
me: if you fall in love with someone else
you have to almost kick
jessica: would be good... but ... yes
me: that other person out of the master bedroom
and they have all their stuff in the master room
jessica: is true
me: and you have to work all week
jessica: ALL OF IT
3:10 AM me: and your tired
jessica: and you only have the week
me: also
jessica: and it's big heavy stuff
me: your sisters gonna have a baby
your car is broken
jessica: and stuff that doesn't want to fit through the door without having to take it apart
me: so is the washer
jessica: and you have to cook a dish to take to work
and bake cupcakes for your friend
all your lingerie is hanging on everything in there
me: and no one wants to help you at all
3:11 AM jessica: NO ONE.
me: not even your EX
who was like
jessica: AT ALL
me: so in love with you
jessica: and then not.
me: and usually does anything
but hes like
"i would do anything for love but i wont do that"
and you mocked him to your friends later
jessica: which makes you start singing
me: for quoting meatloaf
jessica: the song.
just the one line.
it's stuck in your head
you break down in the shower singing it.
just the one line.
3:12 AM me: and your computers broken
so you cant google the rest
jessica: and the clue.
he has no clue
me: he doesnt!
jessica: he thinks he's comin into a clean ready for him bedroom
he thinks you'll be happy to see him.
me: but you are!
are not!
all your good underwear you bleed through
jessica: nods sadly
and all that's left - granny panties
me: with the broken elastic
jessica: hanging on the damn treadmill that you couldn't get out the door in time.
and it's the first thing he sees.
me: and your granny hairs are in
3:14 AM and you havent shaved
jessica: and you fall to the floor, broken.
me: because you have razor burn
a broken woman
jessica: and screaming to the heavens, WHY, GOD? WHY?
me: and he thinks your crazy
but damn him
gosh damn him
jessica: this is the best conversation we've ever had.
me: its his fault
jessica: then he leaves
me: for making you love him
it is
jessica: and you're just happy you don't have to move his shit out of the bedroom
3:15 AM me: because thats what caused this entire breakdown in the first place
jessica: points but that stupid treadmill will be there forever.
renamed, lingerie rack.
it is!
all his fault!
me: because you have weak upper body strenght
jessica: alone! in the desert!
3:16 AM i knew i should've done more weightlifting.
me: i know i shoulda bought the nordiflex
its an entire body regime
jessica: it is!
and it folds away neatly
me: unlike a treadmill
jessica: because boys want to leave big hulky objects in your way so that you trip over them everyday and cry remembering him and wishing you could burn that sucker down
me: and one day you do
and they arrest you
jessica: that's a tricky one.
me: for arson
jessica: and you go to jail
ohhh true
in the jail
3:18 AM he's in the jail for selling crack on the street
me: no no
hes not in jail
jessica: that's my own version in my head...but really he's probably married
and CRAZY HAPPY on the madness gravy!
me: he just made a cool million
with the stupidest idea
jessica: shakes her fist at the madness gravy
me: like a new nutcracker
that was so stupid its thing people who have no common sense buy
3:19 AM and you told him it was stupid
jessica: and now he's shovin it in your face
3:21 AM driving some crazy car that he had custom made like a Musjagsaabenztang
me: and its so ugly
jessica: sooooo ugly
3:22 AM and he's going through a midlife crisis already and is in a convertible
me: but hes not bald at all
jessica: well, the musjagsaabenztang is a convertible
not at all
but he wears the sports jacket like on Miami Vice
me: and all you can think is to call him don johnson
3:23 AM jessica: ooooooohhhhhh, don johnson, could we ride in your stupid car?
that only gets 2 mpg.
me: but he likes it because "it gets all the babes"
which makes you puke alittle whenever he says that
3:24 AM jessica: in your mouth.
me: while he blares Weezer who is the only band from this century that he knows
jessica: laughs
so, yeah, that treadmill.
needs to go.
3:26 AM me: right now
so does his ugly ugly chair
that chair
jessica: that damn recliner.
me: its not a chair
its a fucking tote box
jessica: hahahahahaha
gets the hatchet
me: gets lighter fluid
3:27 AM jessica: finds matches

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